1) A dear old lady knew that she was about to die and hence asked her pastor to give her the sacrament of the anointing of the sick. After being anointed she said: “Soon I’ll be rocking in the bosom of Moses.” “No dear,” corrected the pastor, “the Bible says the bosom of Abraham.” She replied: “Father, at my age, you don’t care too much whose bosom it is!”
2) A funeral director called a man for further instructions about his mother-in-law’s body. “Do you want her embalmed, cremated or buried?” “All the three!’ the man answered promptly. “Don’t take any chances.”
3) After an atheist died, a friend looked at him in the casket, shook his head, and remarked: “All dressed up and no place to go.”
4) A man was surprised to read the announcement of his death in the obituary column of the local newspaper. Ringing up his close friend, he enquired, “Did you see the announcement of my death in the paper this morning?” ”Yes,” was the frightened answer in a shivering voice. “But where are you speaking from? Heaven or hell?”
5) Alexander the Great once found his philosopher friend Diogenes standing in a field, looking intently at a large pile of bones. Asked what he was doing, the old man turned to Alexander and replied, “I am searching for the bones of your father Philip, but I cannot distinguish them from the bones of the slaves.” Alexander got the point: everyone is equal in death. From the greatest to the least, from the most beautiful to the most ordinary, death is the universal equalizer.
6) The pastor was visiting a terminally sick parishioner in the hospital. As he started consoling the patient the sick man said: “Don’t worry about where I am heading to, Father. I have friends in both places.”